The Five Love Languages written by Dr. Gary Chapman was a book me and the wife were destine to read. She narrated the book to me word for word so I actually never read it, but I did listen. This book describes how men and women give and receive affection towards each other. Dr. Chapman tells how two people can really love each other, but if they can't communicate that love in a way that the other person can understand it, then its all for null. OK, if you're any thing like me, then this love language stuff has to broken down in understandable terms. Lets start with what he describes the five most popular love languages: 1.words of affirmation 2.acts of services 3.gifts 4.physical contact 5.quality time. He also states that people will typically receive love in the same manner they give it. In other words if you give gifts as an act of love and affection, then your expecting gifts to given in return to show you love and affection. This book goes on to say that you and your spouse don't have to speak the same love languages but you should know and understand what language their are speaking.
In my own opinion, I would have to say this book put me and my wife back in alignment with each other. She is a combination of a number 3 and a number 5, so she is a gift giver and a quality time person. I, on the other hand, am a act of service person, a number 2. It wasn't until these love languages were brought to our attention that we realized some of the mistakes we were making. For example, she would give a very nice greeting card, I would take the card, say thank you, and put the card away. That is what I do when someone gives me a card. She on the other had wants me to put the card on display for every one to see. The truth is that there is nothing wrong with putting the card on display nor is there anything wrong with putting it away, but it makes every thing go a lot smoother between us when we know what to expect from each other. Being that I am a number 2, and I show love through acts of service, I though taking care of my financial and house hold duties was loving enough. So, I would say "The bill are paid, the lawn is cut, can't you see how much I love you". I soon learned that women simply don't love that way, they need more. Men however are very different, we can get a few basic things from a woman and we are good. This book gives a very good break down of some thing we can learn from our spouses, to show them love in the way they can understand it. Read this book, and you might just stay Young, Black. and Married.
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